We take your privacy seriously — even if we write about hologram divorces and sheep on buses.
1. What We Collect
| Data Type | Why We Collect It | Do We Share It? |
|---|---|---|
| Email address | Only if you subscribe to our newsletter | Never sold |
| First name (optional) | To personalize emails (“Hey Alex…”) | Never |
| IP address & browser | Standard server logs + Google Analytics | Anonymized only |
| Cookies | To remember your dark-mode preference | Only essentials |
We do not collect payment info, phone numbers, or your sheep’s name.
2. How We Use Your Data
- Send you one weekly weird-news digest (and occasional “breaking sheep” alerts).
- Improve the site (e.g., “People in Brazil love parrot crime stories”).
- Comply with the law if a cosmic bat subpoena arrives.
3. Third-Party Tools We Use
| Tool | Purpose | Their Privacy Policy |
|---|---|---|
| Google Analytics | Anonymous traffic stats | google.com/policies/privacy |
| MailerLite | Newsletter delivery | mailerlite.com/legal/privacy-policy |
| Cloudflare | Security & speed | cloudflare.com/privacypolicy |
All are GDPR-compliant and based in the EU or USA.
4. Your Rights (GDPR / CCPA)
You can, at any time:
- See what data we have (usually just your email).
- Download it.
- Delete it forever.
- Unsubscribe with one click (at the bottom of every email).
Just reply to any newsletter or email privacy@thelastupdates.com
5. Children
If you’re under 16, please get your parent/guardian to subscribe for you. We don’t knowingly collect data from kids.
6. Data Security
- Emails stored encrypted.
- Site runs on HTTPS + Cloudflare protection.
- We’ll notify you within 72 hours if anything weird ever happens to your data.
7. Changes to This Policy
We’ll email subscribers and update the date above if anything big changes.
8. Contact the Data Weirdo
Questions, deletion requests, or existential dread about data: privacy@thelastupdates.com
We answer within 48 hours — faster than a parrot solves a murder.
Thank you for trusting us with your inbox. Now back to the weird.
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